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Friday, September 10, 2010

An Open Letter To My Fantasy Football Opponents

Sirs,

It gives me great displeasure to inform you that the team of professional football players unknowingly associated with my imaginary team will score more points via an arbitrarily-generated scoring system than the team of professional football players unknowingly associated with your imaginary team in the weekly statistical contests that shall began last night.

The athletic achievements of the modern-day gladiators waging a unwitting war at your imaginary team's behest are certainly worthy of praise. However, if one should take the time to execute a dispassionate comparison, one would find that my own squadron of behelmeted Ben-Hurs have performed in the past, and posses the capability to perform in the future, feats of physical prowess far surpassing those of yours.

Therewith, I submit to you my argument: that the professional football players unknowingly associated with my imaginary team will score more points via an arbitrarily-generated scoring system than the team of professional football players unknowingly associated with your imaginary team. You have now been duly notified of this matter.

Good day.




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