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Thursday, November 1, 2012

The Worst

A photo of the Caribbean Ocean from our babymoon to Tulum, Mexico
Last week was supposed to be the week we talked about being a vegan traveling in Mexico. We were going to talk about our babymoon to Tulum, Mexico and what we saw and ate there. We were going to veganize Mexican recipes of what we weren't able to eat there and I even had a little love letter to beans and rice I wanted to share. We were also going to make homemade vegan candy for our friend Susanne's birthday and share a bunch of vegan candy tips and recipes. We have some new recipes for chili, donuts and waffles - featuring a lot of pumpkin that would have shown up this week if we had time. But that's not what happened last week.

Last week, we lost our perfectly healthy baby girl.

Now there are going to be those who wonder if this is because I'm vegan or because of the amount of traveling we did. There are also those who follow me on Facebook and Twitter - who know that this pregnancy has been hard on me. I've had to deal with round the clock morning sickness and fatigue. But none of this had anything to do with what happened last week. I can assure you that while this tragedy may have a little to do with my age, really this was caused by a personal medical condition that no one found out about until it was too late. We've been assured that now that they know about this problem, we can try again--that there is no reason we won't be able to have a happy, healthy baby some day.

But to be honest that brings us little comfort right now. The little girl I was carrying was over 5 months along and had become apart of our family in many ways, if mostly in the promise of a child. To say it has been difficult to let her go would be beyond an understatement. It was would just be a lie. It's been the worst and hardest thing either of us have ever had to do

Sometimes I wake up and find comfort in knowing we might still be parents some day, and other days I wake up wishing that time travel was possible. It makes it easier knowing that we have friends and family who will be there to support us. While we would love to hear from you and welcome cards and emails, please know that we live in a tiny apartment and don't have much room for flowers and other gifts. For anyone who's interested, we would welcome donations to the Woodstock Animal Sanctuary--one of our very favorite places on earth--made in memory of our little girl, Piper Shannon.

Thank you in advance for your love and support. We'll be back to posting recipes soon.

59 comments:

  1. Ohh, I'm so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you guys. xoxo

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  2. I am so very sorry for your loss. ~blessings

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  3. How heartbreaking. Thinking of you during this difficult time. *HUGS* xo

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  4. Though I don't know you personally, my heart breaks for you. I can't even imagine your pain right now. My thoughts are with you.

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  5. I am so sorry your loss. I know how hard this kind of loss is and I will be thinking of your family.

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  6. I am so so sorry for your loss, Annie. I can't believe it. I'm thinking about you, your hubs, and your sweet little girl, who was already a part of your family to your readers as well :`(

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  7. I am so sorry for your loss. Healing love to the both of you . . .

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  8. I am so very, very sorry. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you to go through this. Many thoughts and prayers are with you both.

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  9. so very sorry.. no words, just sending hugs.

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  10. Oh Annie, my heart is aching. So very sorry for the loss of your baby. I cannot imagine the pain. i love you. Baruch Dayan Ha'Emes.

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  11. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard this must be. You are in my thoughts.

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  12. Sorry to hear about your loss...you and your family will be in my thoughts

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  13. Alka and I send our love; our hearts are broken.

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  14. So sorry to hear your heartbreaking news. I can only reiterate what everyone else has said that it is simply impossible to understand what you must be going through. Take it easy on yourself and give yourself time to grieve.

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  15. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you mourn the loss of your baby girl. You are so courageous to share your experience and I'm grateful you shared 5 months with Piper in utero.

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  16. Sending all kinds of love and sympathy your way and keeping you both in my thoughts. So sorry for your loss.

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  17. I'm so terribly sorry. My heart is breaking for you.

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  18. We are so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I can't imagine your grief. Thank you so much for thinking of Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary to honor the memory of Piper. I can say on behalf of the rescued farm animals in our care that we greatly appreciate the donations flooding in in Piper's memory. I invite you here ANYTIME to come visit. Some therapeutic critter-time might help ease the pain.

    Jenny Brown - Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary

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  19. Words are truly inadequate, but I still need to say I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Although I don't know you personally, I feel like family after reading so many of your marvelous posts. You don't just provide great recipes - you include personal stories with each posting.
    Thank you for sharing your passion with all of us. Please know that you are loved and appreciated, and your grief is shared by so many.
    Maureen Koplow, Deptford, NJ

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  20. I am so incredibly sorry. Don't let anyone blame you and don't be too hard on yourself. I can't imagine what it must be like. my thoughts are with you.

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  21. I am so sorry for you both. Words are probably little comfort right now, but know that my heart goes out to you.

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  22. Oh no, Annie and Dan, I'm so sorry! I do follow you, Annie, on Twitter, but I don't remember seeing anything about the difficulty, just cute pictures of you and your growing baby belly. I'm sure you'll always love the little one you lost, and never forget about her, but you'll have other babies and be wonderful parents. I hope no one tries to tell you it's because of your diet, that's absurd. I feel a little like I know you, reading your blog, and Twitter, etc., following you on Pinterest, so it's like my friend lost her baby. So sorry for you both, really. Take care and heal in your own time.

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  23. So sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers are with you.

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  24. I am so truly sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts.

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  25. I'm so very sorry; sending you all good thoughts and love.

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  26. My heart goes out to you. I am truly sorry for your loss. I wish I had some magic words of comfort for you, but sometimes there are no words. Take all the time you need to heal and be gentle with yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers. (((Hugs)))

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  27. I am so sorry to hear about your loss!!! My heart goes out to you!!! (((Hugs)))

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  28. I am heartbroken for you. I could tell, from the title, that something was up. I am so very sorry. My love, thoughts, and courage are with you. I didn't think for a second that it had anything to do with your began vegan—if anything, that was in your favour, and it will be for your next baby.

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  29. So very sorry for your loss. You'll be in my thoughts.

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  30. Wishing comfort and love and hoping this will just be a chapter in time that you can move through eventually. Blessings for a future filled with laughter and children. I am so sorry for your loss! -Jude

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  31. I am so very sorry for your loss.

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  32. I am so sorry for your loss. Don't blame yourself, and don't listen to others who may try to say its because of something you did or the way you ate. Ignorance, on their part, that's all. Best to you and your husband.

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  33. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, so sad for your devastating loss. This is a difficult journey and I wish you peace and comfort along the way. Kitty kisses to you both.

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  34. So sorry for your loss.

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  35. No words can express my deep sadness for you. Be kind to yourself during the process of healing. Sending HUGE LOVE to you from Colorado <3 Blessed Be....Cherie

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  36. I'm so sorry to hear this news this morning, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Love you Piper Shannon, you were a good girl, and very loved.

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  37. Annie, I am close to tears right now having seen your status on facebook. I know we have never met, but I consider you one of my favorite blogger buddies and I am in love with you are your family. I am so incredibly saddened to hear this news. I really can't say anything except that I hope you find the space and time and comfort and support you need to get through this time. I wish I could offer me, please let me know if I can help in ANY way. If you need a guest post, book promotion of your beautiful new book or anything, I'm here. xoxo ~k

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  38. I am so so so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

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  39. Aw, Annie. I am sooooooooooooooooo sorry that has happened to y'all. I read about it in Dan's email, and it's just not fair. Life sucks big-time sometimes, but I know you two will pull through and things will get easier with time. Love y'all. My thoughts are with you.

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  40. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling right now. My thoughts are with you.

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  41. From one pair of vegans to another, our thoughts are with you. I appreciate you sharing your story.

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  42. Even though I do not personally know you, my heart goes out to you both. May time bring you some peace. Piper will always be a part of your lives.
    Sending you much love. xx

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  43. I'm so, so sorry. Sending you all my best thoughts.

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  44. I just found your blog through the Tofurky website...this is heartbreaking. I sincerely hope you find the comfort and strength you'll need. Many, many people can sympathize and please know that anyone who can has great hope for you.

    Side note--I do hope that you will not have to face too many questions about your diet in relation to this. I will never understand the things people say. I was shocked at how many people seemed to blame my diet for my complications rather than, say, the fact that I was 37 years old. Luckily, all the doctors were on my side. Just know that anyone who asks just doesn't know any better.

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  45. So so sorry to hear this. Sending you lots of love.

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  46. Very, very sorry for your loss. Peace and best wishes for you and your family.

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  47. Sending infinite amounts of love and healing to your hearts.

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  48. From someone who has lost two babies, I know there is really nothing to say right now to make it any better. You pick yourself up and move on, but it's always hollow. Stay strong, take care of yourself right now, and remain hopeful for the future. And, as they say, "the only way through it is through it." Tons of prayers for you and your family.

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  49. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Take care of yourselves, get some rest, take deep breathes and know that so many have you in their hearts and prayers right now.

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  50. May your beautiful princess rest in peace. I'm so sorry for your lost you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  51. oh no, I am so sorry. Piper is a beautiful name. You will have a little one yet, take care.

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  52. Annie I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My mom had two miscarriages that also happened late in the pregnancy. The good news she still had three healthy children. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  53. I'm so sorry to read this. There's little to say that can offer comfort, but we are sending you lots of love from Oakland, CA tonight.

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  54. I am so very sorry for you loss. There is really nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better right now, but know that there are so many who are thinking of you and who cry for your family. I send strength and love to be able to find peace at some point. I had no idea until I was a parent how many people have had miscarriages and I had one between my second and third child...no reason, just happened. Although it was very early in my pregnancy, it was so hard to go on as if nothing had happened. Thank goodness for Lost. I lost myself in the show until I could really deal with the world again. I hope you can surround yourself with supportive loving friends during this time.

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  55. Am late to discovering your lovely blog -- and am so so so sorry to read this.

    I know this aching sadness well myself, but have come through the darkest parts with friends, family and cupcakes. Wishing you peace and the knowledge that Piper is still and will always be a part of your lives.

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